i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
