"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize