Can i not drive my cunt home
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
