i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
