my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
