sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize