my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have post one night stand depression
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
