I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
