i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
