forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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