i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
