i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
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Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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