i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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