Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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