life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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