Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
