That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
