I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
