so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
