so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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