you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
