His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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