do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
