I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
