my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
