I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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