He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
