I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need water and some morals
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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