I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
