In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
