If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
