My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
