Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
