Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
