I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
