You made me cry and you don't even care
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
