I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
