How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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