oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
