We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
