Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
