Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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