i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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