I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
