My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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