just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
