This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
