just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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