Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
