***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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