Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
