Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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