I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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