like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
