did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
