how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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