So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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