I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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