and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
