Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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