you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
